I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
