Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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