he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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