It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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