we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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