U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
