Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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