I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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