you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
