we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
