i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
