you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
