Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
