Dual....:-)
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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