I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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