I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
only if we run a train.
done.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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