onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
