The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
