The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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