all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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