My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize