Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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