somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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