I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
