Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
