i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
