Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
