Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
