you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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