white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
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Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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