So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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