I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
