Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
