Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
