the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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