How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
