They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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