honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
