I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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