Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
