I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
