please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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