I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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