i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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