There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
