My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
