evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
