You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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