I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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