So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
