Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
where am i from again
You smell like stripper and shame
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
