There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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