this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
