I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
