Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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