I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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