I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the day after is always just damage control
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
