Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
