grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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