We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
