i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
