its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
