You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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