Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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