The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
