how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
