The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
