one might say we're banned from that church
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
