So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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