I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
