honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
