I think im going to throw up on grandma
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
