I'm really into asian looking animals
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
