Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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