I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
