i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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