He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
im on a boat
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