Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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